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California Dreamin

The Babe parking all our stuff.

Two days ago I found myself packing.  In the midst of the cardboard chaos I sat on the floor and huffed out loud, frustrated as I felt I was getting nowhere and wondering how in the heck we have so much stuff?! 

I was home alone with Baby G and feeling down in the dumps.  I was beginning to get homesick.  Coming home is always so exciting!   That is, until you have to leave.  I always hate that part. 

I always say I could live wherever and not ever really put roots down.  Which I still believe to be true.  But that doesn't mean that I will ever find a place to fill the little corner of my heart like my childhood home does.  

Some gwagus irises my sis-in-law brought me to say goodbye.  Couldn't pack 'me in the car so I took a picture.  I can almost smell them through my screen . . . 

As I sat amongst my cubed friends and Baby G cooing and playing on the floor, I hosted my very own pitty party.  I began to think of all the things I never got around to doing or people I never found time to see.  I thought of how I'd miss having help with Baby G and how I wasn't quite sure if I could be a mother without my mother.  I thought of how I never got to go out on the back lawn and lay a blanket on the grass and lay atop it and listen to the trees blow in the wind.  Or how I never got to dig my hands in some dirt and help out with the yard work.  Or how I never got to watch some last episodes of my tv show with my mamma.  Or how I didn't spend enough time at my in-laws.  Or this or that. 

And on . . . 

And on.

And then I cried just a little.  And then I never told anyone about my little burst of rain clouds and picked myself up and began to pack again and attempt to keep my child entertained or asleep so I could make headway.  Because that's what military wives do. 

But just because I'm trying to stay positive and be happy about my new home (when we find one . . .😩) doesn't mean I don't miss the people and places back home.  Sometimes so much my chest literally hurts. But, hey, at least I'm moving to California and not some tiny little nowhere town.  That would NOT be good for me right now. 😬  

Driving away was hard and exciting.  I finally had my husband within touching distance and my child was sleeping in the back seat.  We set off to one of my favorite places in the world with so many possibilities.  But we had to leave everything else and everyone behind.  Again. And it wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't just spent five months and gotten used to having everyone around.

Some of my loves.

But here I am again, mentally slapping myself out of my pitty party.  Seriously, life is not that depressing.  But the baby, the husband, new military life, no home to live in (yet) and the hormones has me feeling AAAALL the feels.  

But I have to take it as a good sign that we did drive off into the sunset.  Right?!  Haha

Here's to finding a home and making it one.

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