On Friday night The Babe and I went out to eat with my parents. I had to take Baby G out because he was getting overwhelmed with all the noise (it was loud in there) and has been having trouble coping with all the recent changes.
As I was sitting there in the Cali breeze, enjoying my little, a woman passed by and smiled at him and talked to him for a second. She then said in passing, "Happy Mothers Day!" And I nodded and said the usual come back. And that's when it dawned on me . . . I am a mother! Weird. I chuckled to myself, smiled at Baby G and met up with my family to leave.
Yesterday was my first Mother's Day. And although it was good, we spent most of our sabbath moving boxes and organizing so we felt livable in our new home. We did go to church, which was great - I think we will like our new Ward (LDS speak for congregation wherein you live in those boundaries geographically) - but all in all it felt like any other day. I thought about this and I concluded something.
In my adulthood (if you can even call it that) I have noticed holidays becoming more and more like Day to day events. Except with Mother's Day, I think it is because it is my job, 24/7 to be a mamma. It felt nice to get beautiful flowers and a card from The Babe (oh, and chocolate, can't forget the chocolate) and to be blessed enough to spend the day with both my Georges and my parents. But it was more of a day of gratitude and self-assuring for me.
I am a mom. I didn't want to be a mom this soon - but I am so thankful God gave this sweet boy to me in knowing that he is what I needed at this time in my life. Motherhood comes with so many reality checks it's not even funny.
I looked at myself in the mirror yesterday and thought, if I could define Motherhood, what would it be? And without putting myself on a pedestal here, I thought of one word - sacrifice. Which I know is so cliche', but, it's true!
With Motherhood comes bodily changes - good and hard, hair loss (temporary thank goodness for most), hormone crazies, exhaustion, postpartum for many, scars inside and out, constantly dirty clothes - no more silk shirts 😬, feeling like a self serve yogert machine or a cow that never gets a break, having to hold yourself together for the good of your children, rarely getting a moment for yourself to sit in an uniturupted bath or sit and read that book that's been taking up space on your phone or collecting dust on that side table. It comes with multitasking - sweeping the floor while comforting your child and talking to Comcast on the phone whilst trying to keep dinner from burning and maybe even trying to calm roudy or fighting children. And rarely getting to go on a date with your husband because you can't afford or don't trust a babysitter and even if you do, you have to take the little with you because he's still too small and you spend most the movie rocking him in the back of the theatre or nursing. Or constantly asking for a candid photo and still not having one. 😶
But then, I thought, you know, it's not just that, it's also joy. The joy of holding your first child in your arms whether older or new. It's the joy of watching your child succeed at something and celebrating with them. It's the joy of feeling whole and needed when you are the only one they seek for comfort. Or when you watch them as they sleep just to look at their young, peaceful face as you try to engrave this quiet moment in your brain. It's when you kiss a boo boo or sing them a lullaby or smile as you watch your husband make adorable faces at your little and see how they both light up.
I am so blessed to be a mother. I am so blessed to have an amazing mother and mother-in-law and sister-mothers. I have so many amazing examples and it is without them that I would be a lost cause in my new calling as a mother.
Motherhood is many things. It's crazy to think that one year ago on Mother's Day, God blessed me with the realization that I was ready to be a mother. Interesting to think that I was already unknowingly pregnant with Baby G and can't help but think how God works in mysterious ways that somehow all end up making sense. Thank goodness for that.
