Every morning in my prayers I thank God for three things:
1. A new day
2. The Babe
3. Little G
A new day because it is a clean slate and I am still breathing.
The Babe because I was so very blessed in finding such an amazing man as my eternal companion and forever best friend. He is so much more than I ever imagined.
Little G because he is a miracle!! And God made him possible and is honoring George and I with the divine calling of parenthood.
But some days are hard. Even when God gives you so much.
There was one particular day this past week where I guess I had decided that overall I had had enough. The Babe and I were settling in on a week night to watch a movie when, I honestly don't remember what, but there was something so menial that sent me right over the edge. I immediately set everything down, walked away, and filled the bath tub up with warm water. The Babe was concerned and followed me around, trying to console me. He rubbed my back and I sat, bent over the edge of the tub, bawling my pathetic eyes out. I felt so weak, like life had finally just sucked all of my everything right out of me. I went on for a while until he got concerned and started freaking out that I was having a panic attack, so I calmed myself down and sat in the dark silence of the warm tub while he went in the other room to do homework.
I sat there silently crying, feeling sorry for myself at first, and then angry at so many things. Then I felt ashamed for feeling this way and than mad at myself for not being stronger than this. I took a deep breath and thought, 'Cassady . . . where is your faith?" I immediately started to pray and let it all out to the one person who understands more than anyone. It made me feel a little better. So I dried myself off and excused myself to an early bedtime that night.
The next day I woke up feeling the leftovers from my emotional night. I was immediately bugged at myself again for being in a funk. Life is hard and we all tread water differently. So rather than telling myself that my problems are not as bad as others and that I was fine, I allowed myself the rest of the day to put myself back together.
That's the thing about life. I feel like I am constantly going. The Babe always tells me, "What can I help you with so you can relax? Are you going to take a break?" Yada, yada, because I am a doer. I am rarely without purpose or movement. Which is productive, but gets under my skin and exhausts me. I have had such a hard time since I've been pregnant to allow myself to rest. It still doesn't happen as much as it should. The other day, I said something about being tired and needing a nap and The Babe immediately forced me to lay down and closed the blinds and ordered me to a nap.
We, as humans, I think, get so caught up in everyone else and in all the things we have to get done, I think we sometimes forget about ourselves. I need to learn that it's okay to have a minute of weakness. I need to learn how to relax and take a rest day or to allow myself to have a day of emotional/mental/physical healing.
Everyone says things like 'Better enjoy it while you can' blah blah because we only have a few months left. And I know it's only going to get harder becoming a full time parent to a living, breathing, moving child that lives outside of my womb, but that's just it! I'm so thankful for the time that I have to learn these things before Little G gets here. It's so important to recognize our needs. How am I supposed to take care of someone else properly when I don't allow myself the time or the things that I need to not just survive but to live?
Adam fell that men might have joy. We are here to be HAPPY! And if I am not allowing myself to find joy, this life is going to be a lot harder than God intended for it to be!
A leader in my church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) President Russell M. Nelson, said that we can be happy under every circumstance. "We can feel joy even while having a bad day, a bad week, or a bad year! . . . Joy is powerful, and focusing on joy brings God's power into our lives."
And that is so true!! It has been my goal to focus more on others, but to find joy in doing so! Sometimes we get lost in it all. But we need to remember to keep our focus in the right direction.
Thinking of others, being thankful for what we have, and recognizing when we just need a few minutes, or a day, or a week, is what helps us stay happy!
So, if you need a nap, for heavens sake, make it a priority! If you need an hour to have a good cry, do it! If you know of someone who needs these things and you have the strength in you to help, go!
President Nelson said, "Heed these words of the Psalmist: “I have set the Lord always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved. … In His presence is fullness of joy.” As this principle is embedded in our hearts, each and every day can be a day of joy and gladness."
So, go, be happy! Because that is why you're here!
Here is the URL to read President Nelson's talk. If you have ten minutes, it's so worth it!!